Open Cells/Selves: Inside 'Out': Celebrate/Expression: SamIam/Val Smith's 'This is a Trans-World'

Gundry Street, Newton, Auckland, Old Folks Association, November 11.11.11

This is not a review, it is a reflection of thoughts and responses to the work which I saw over a week ago, asked of me by Val and a collection of my own imposed projections onto her work as a practitioner in the same small underground Auckland dance art scene also working in solo interactive ways.

This is a Trans-World. Its 11.11.11 in our small community gundry st hall- Auckland's very own Judson Church hehe (NY 1960s)... the dance art scene is alive and kicking in this hall thanks to Sean Curham. Amazing stuff is cranking out of here.

It's Val Smith aka “'SamIamaman's embodiment” research at play on display, larger than life selves inside cells expanding inside “out” so to speak. Play on words and worlds and the word and world “Trans”... Val/SamIam is a spiritual new age transgender chick and she's testing out some "masculinities (as) hardening games or soft realisations?" (programme notes) On us. And we are up for the game, with self (ours and hers) and selves before audience. Does audience know what we're in for? Each of our own selves and cells reflecting projecting our own gender prescriptions. Its a cosmic day afterall. We are open. We love Val. And we are excited by this work from the outset.

It's interesting to see the influence of my barrage of audience performer interactivity (from solo auck fringe which comes from years of this investigation) expanding across this community in 2011 and how that all unfolds organically.. in and across works engaged with different and specific concepts. Its nothing original but its back from the 60s and our community needs a bit more of this.
Where's this gonna go with SamIam?

Its all power stuff, this is my understanding of and working with it. Audience performer control/play. 'Mind opening' upside down-ness. Cellular insider/outsider-ness. Specific to this work- the preacher, the teacher, educator, the healer, the manipulation of knowledge and religion and spirituality, expression of selves before intimate audience, entertainment and politics infused as we are asked to wave flags in “straight” lines facing each other- much like creating a cat walk for the selves and cells to deliver and birth their precious selves to us on display various somatic fashion items and gendered selves put on and displayed, which 'team' we are on the 'butch' or 'femme'? wave your flag y'all. The delicate intricate self- knowledge to us is delivered through this channel, down this tunnel, prostrations following a statement of shame, are we meant to be facing each other as a reflection as the prostrations move down the line? Are we too ashamed? We don't look at each other, we watch the performance- its very engaging. When she lies on the floor looking up at us its very intimate, I am at the opposite end but get an open 'baby-like' feeling as she stares up at a tender audience look down. Its beautiful. Constant rebirthing of genders anew through cellular expression.

We've seen the morphing and birthing and testing of this gendered and somatic research in Val/SamIam for the past year since returning from the states and now we get to see her in full expression. This work for me is about expression. I've not seen these selves before, they are very much an 'act'.. it is a play. She plays with words and images and ideas like “spaces of dreaming and imagining possibilities of trans-identities from within the body as site of knowing, seeing and feeling, at the centers of this gendered relationality, cells are becoming conscious of themselves, self conscious.”- This is a Trans-World programme notes.

From the beginning, I am hyper aware of the 'self conscious'. It feels more awkward than I've felt before, I am wondering- this 'acting' seems so far from somatics, yet I get that they are offsetting, juxtaposing each other and may infuse to transform. The humour is dry, the layers are clever, the interweaving tidy. Even the references back to 'This is the DIX' section or 'This is the Solid Gold Dance' are meaning to undercut the seriousness of the teaching. But its still a demonstration of an idea relating to the teaching. Overall the delivery is gentle, its not so pushing us away at all. The humour is inclusive not double edged.

SamIAm/Val explains what is happening to us most steps of the way, slipping clearly into the role of 'educator'- which she clearly is. Val runs a “Community of Touch” class sundays at the hall (omg sunday school!) which investigates somatic contact/touch. From the outset we are asked to frame the work through free-form vs formal education and healing. There is butcher paper on a board with sections of the work with bubbles off the title of different sections which she asks us to question her about, but then refuses to completely explain each part as not to 'give it away'. But the point is, she does want us to get it. She wants us to understand what she's doing, what she has been investigating for many years. Unlike Sean Curham's 'menu' smorgasboard in 'Ghosting 2' of sections from which the audience is meant to choose in which we get no explanation of the underpinnings of the artistic investigation and left to our own devices on it, this work reveals itself through the evening- including each section, explained. Val is a word-Smith.

This is a Trans-World, she lip syncs James Brown's 'This is a Man's World' at one point. “And it would be nothing... without a woman”. It reminds me of some Derridian/mimicry stuff I did in my 90s women's studies body politics paper – a look at the song 'You make me Feel like a Natural Woman' by Aretha Franklin, you make me FEEL like a natural woman, implication- that woman is not essential, there is nothing natural about womaness or maness, that it is entirely sociological. And we get to 'play' or 'act' out the gendering of selves .. which is what SamIam illustrates. The theoretical research on trans-gendering is in the programme notes and very clear.

What interests me is the conceptual slippage between personal as political (personal interest of mine and also very 60s/70s) in the form of – personal engagement with religion from upbringing which is inherently homophobic and new age spiritual investigations with an awkward self consciously 'twisted and kinky' searching expression of trans gender sexuality through somatics. Also curious about the placement of cultural experience in the work which also relate directly to these- references to westie (west auckland) culture, Val having grown up in Helensville, and all that comes with this. The tough bogan culture, the play on butch and femme within that and the alternative being to be a 'hippie'. Its all presented as gags, sometimes tender stories.

I'm getting images of Middle America here as well... the film Boys Don't Cry springs to mind as well as Monster. Horrible images, ugh. Please don't. I'm not sure if its the westie embodiment of white trash America or the fundamentalist (homophobic) christianity so often exploited in American b-grade and arthouse films or the fact that Val has recently also lived in the U.S for nearly 2 years and was married to an American or the 11.11.11 psychic channeling buzz (i'm into psychic yo) but I'm feeling America vibing through this work.

I'm liking that. America is and has been a dominating force in world & media consciousness for awhile now and also the centre of a lot of new age spirituality. Shamanism. SamIam is working with shamanism. Yay we are in the same tribe there.

Having seen a section of this piece in Dunedin in October “Straight relatives” (when I was also on tour) at the Qubit Performance Art festival I was curious to see it (personal interest also) in a different setting, city and audience/culture. In Dunedin I was in hysterics, the list of straight relatives, the stopping and questioning of some of them, “I think uncle... so and so”, the play between 'kinky' and 'twisted' in somatic movement and trying to 'find the flow' inside that is pretty genius, starting/ending? in a 'middle finger up for all ya'. This is the 'A-Team' at work. She's a 'natural' comedian. The Auckland crowd feels 'naturally' more tense and full of expectation than Dunedin (which I also discovered), who laps it up coz they're generally not as spoilt for interesting performance as Auckland. Still also loved the hymn-like singing on the stage, this preacher like sermon of some incredibly poetic somatic principles which happen to be crack ups as well. Still my favourite section I think. Its absurdist, heart that: singing “I really like this part of the dance, one body as one self, body flows across and between, affect seeing and being seen. Comfort and discomfort. Empathy is one of the key processes going on. Boundaries between fears and judgements. Playing out what might be wanted and unwanted in the space. Measuring distances using distance and proximity. Dynamics of sacred geometry. Intertitial, inner and outer intellectual process of becoming and dissolving”... (possibly misquoted- but all sung)

Definitely getting the play between trans and spiritual unbound fluid multi-gendered selves also becoming and dissolving. It's the 'Trans-evangelist'. This is the section I inquired about at the beginning.

Stripping solid gold section with handle bar moustache to James Brown- cut short. Hang on am I confused- did that come later? “That's enough of that” she moves to new section.. Defs hyper real SamIAm in action. From “social somatics” to hymns, to finger up to prostrations and post it notes of shame all pointing to her, to baby, to stripping, to a story about first girlfriend out west who had crystals and discovering the The Cure- its super personal stuff!

After a speech about hate crimes and wanting a tolerant society its a Party Break. There's so much clever word play its pretty hard to keep up, esp when you're drinking bro. I enjoyed the 'social somatics' and interactivity of just being near people as they socialised saying nothing, channeling what? Worked really well in Dunedin. How anti-social healing work is in public. Love that, love it. As I thought it might, it got slightly lost in Auckland but that didn't matter I guess. I see someone giving her a book on Queer Theory.

Back from the break, SamIAm/Val sings us a beautiful song after sitting in chairs asleep at the back of the stage like parents asleep at the tv, she looks like Sinead Oconnor. Exorcism dance, that's how I saw it. 'Skin inside skin', 'Body is cell'. We are in vipassana meditation with SamIAm, inside her brain. Hands knarled, its painful ecstasy, enticing to watch. “I often forget my brain” (ironically) she says dryly in the middle of a fairly intense session of deep sensory internal writhing. Humour is never forgotten though right. Gorgeous moment.

Make out corner: I'm a plant, which I didn't feel worked. Perhaps authentic people responding would have worked better than me. I jumped the gun, after a few drinks but I knew I would. Me and SamIAm. I'm ok with that, its intense. We stare each other out. She says I'm fire energy after. Ok. I'm up for whatever. Then Anna Bate and Zahra. Sean Curham and Geoff Gilson. People laugh. Curious, the tone is gendered, self conscious, there are no heterosexual couplings. Its now codified, strange how that works.. the power of suggestion, is it 'giving licence'? All in the make out corner are performers, except 1 person. Daniela Ferreira Araújo Silva, Val's gender paper teacher. Mostly cute faked awkward interactions heightened the acting of gender posing. Posing in general.

We are asked to wave flags for whether we were in the SamIAm or Val team. Equal cheer, though 'naturally' (culturally) i think – 'there was quite a bit of blurring there' .. of course that's the point. Why divide? Inside from out. Outsiders IN. The slippage got more and more comfortable and less self conscious as it gained momentum through the work between acting/playing and somatics.. which I can relate to. We are told its a 'win win situation'- whoever we vote for. Yay- Imagine that? Its Elections coming up. But its a happy ending! Oh I forgot the streak, when was that? At the end? Yep I think so.. She strips more properly and does some booty shaking with a handle bar moustache at the end I think in gold undies- saying she has as 'gold obsession' (can relate too). Another 'act'.. Yup the crowd love it... its entertainment doing its magic. Always eases away any tension.

Thought it was beautiful to see the full expression of all SamIAmVal's ideas in the past year, no doubt crystalised in meditation and how supportive this community was of this special work. Rather than a reflection upon our own gendered selves, which it perhaps was for some people- maybe more the SamIAm team- a group of people around her.. the work presented the visibility of that which is invisible, inside ValSamIAm which ripples out into the world energetically for sure coz that's how shaman healing works, and was a very clever and clear interweaving of theory, poetry, word play, entertainment acts, gendered selves, personal stories and somatic & spiritual conceptual engagements of an awesome performer. Rich in expression, far from the critique of over intellectualised European Dance its cool to see Val and SamIAm finding that space to explode/implode within time cells/selves and a portal to share an awesome piece of performance with us and on such a special day. No doubt 11.11.11 is devil's talk, but hey bring it. Its not called the new age for no reason.

It's a trans-world and we still have issues, so many many issues to work through and release as a species. Gender and sexuality are big ones. Some believe true healing can only occur through somatic body work. Respect. Celebrate expression, however it comes out. I see the work as moving social change with the change of the body.. as organic. “Changes and transformations are blessings. They are not triggered from without but from within; and the world is our mirror. As we change, even within our consciousness, everything reflected within the world also begins to change.” - Animal Speak.

Yay bring on change, acceptance, tolerance and healing. This work overall is gentle for me. “Out” there & brave, but soft. Sensitive and generous.

It's important for such a potent scene in this Auckland dance art buzz to be reflecting and engaging with each other's work at an intellectual but also practical/industry level within what I see as a solid movement. Local is global and this stuff is good. It is also quite unique, here in the corner of our world. From what I have seen.

Cosmic outsiders are in. Finally. Its 2011.

Weg: A-Way: A Self funded NZ tour 2011

NZ Listener Article : http://www.listener.co.nz/culture/dance/weg-a-way-review/

Tour includes Auckland - Tempo Auckland's Dance Festival oct 8th 2011
http://www.theatreview.org.nz/reviews/review.php?id=4260

Christchurch- The Body Festival (Christchurch Dance Festival) oct 12th
http://www.theatreview.org.nz/reviews/review.php?id=4276

Dunedin- Rice and Beans Gallery (Artist Run) oct 14th
To be written about in Art New Zealand.

The first thing people notice when this work is advertised on Facebook is that Wellington is missing from this NZ tour. They question why. Why no Wellington?

Context for this work: I applied to present this full length solo work from Berlin in the Auckland Fringe Festival 2011 as a platform back in NZ after nearly 2 years away. The work wins 4 main awards, Best Dance, Dance performer, Fringe Award, Auckland Arts Festival Award. This work despite applying for Quick Response Cnz funding which it doesn't received, is self-funded. Sponsored effectively by Winz back in Nz (social welfare) and venue (Galatos Bar charging nearly $400 pn) paid for by a music video I choreographed (Kids of 88- Sugarpills) it doesn't break even and I pay for the rehearsal space from the Auckland Festival commission of 'Watch this Space' to pitch to the main Auckland Arts Festival which is a result of the Auckland Arts Award.

Tempo immediately offers me a spot to present this work again at the new Q Theatre loft space upon winning awards and Elle Loui August from Dunedin's Rice and Beans Gallery invites me to present it there. Shortly after The Body Festival asking if 'Toxic White Elephant Shock' - the tour I've also applied to Cnz to fund is going ahead - which was applied for before devastating Earthquakes (and Tempo also rejected the tour of this work) and as the main festival for this work's proposed tour I say no- Cnz would not fund this tour. So I suggest the tour of my award-winning solo work 'Weg: A-Way'. Adam Hayward says 'sure'!

I've no idea how I am going to fund this tour at this stage. Cnz has not come to the party on any of my works for 3 years, rejecting 5/6 applications since funding and giving the Tup Lang Scholarship to TWES in 2008 before moving to Berlin to live.

So why no Wellington? Tempo, The Body and Rice and Beans have all directly approached me and invited a sponsored tour to their venues. I have no interest from Wellington, nor have I for the past decade of my career. It seems pretty self-evident right? Unless there is some kind of sponsorship support or invitation (and it appears that the Wellington dance festival formerly Dance yer socks off is still looking for a new director at this stage) I am very reluctant to take this work to Wellington.

THE WORK

What is super fascinating for me about this work is how alive and generative it is. Sean Curham and I have been having talks about this process in our work a lot lately in preparation for our collaborative commissioned pitch the Auckland Festival and audience interactivity becomes a very immediate way to work generatively.

I am fully excited to be taking this work to the heart of Southland NZ, I've not been there for nearly 10 years since dancing in Douglas Wright's 'Inland' and since being back from Berlin have enjoyed reconnecting with NZ as a whole.

What communities will I be playing with? What will each 'culture of the room' be bringing to the work and the work's essential ideas? How will the work feel to perform in these different centres? Apart from touring my 'Save/Dance' and Kill/Dance (with Vicky Kapo and Brent Harris) 10 years ago round NZ and to Melbourne, I've not toured my own work.


AUCKLAND. TEMPO.

I'm at the end of the festival, overlapping with Mj's leaving party and unofficial Tempo awards, and fight for a spot which is 9pm saturday rather than 6pm monday which is what I am first offered arguing its more of a 10pm friday night than 6pm monday kind of show. There's lots of publicity, a full page in the Listener, Newspaper interviews, just over half booked out the theatre is not quite full when it comes to show time. It was my vision to have this beautiful 'adaptable' loft space seated either on mattresses like the ak fringe festival in a big circle around the space or in a massive circle of chairs all on the same level around the space like the 'workshop/conference/therapy circle/audition' that the work continually references. I have one afternoon to pack in/tech as there's a show at 1pm, which is highly technical show. I deal with the unmovable rostrum which is set up and the blacked out theatre space created as if its tapac- the beautiful loft windows onto queen st are covered and I manage get 20 seats placed in a semi circle on the stage which gives more of a 'tv studio' feel with 1/3rd participating and active in the space and 2/3rds watching from the tiered seating. 'It's a challenge' I tell myself.

Highlights from my memory from the Dunedin Airport.

Having lights and on to it technicians to help make the work go smoothly without prompting.

A nice dance floor.

A fairly full audience, many of whom do sit in the 20-30 allocated 'token' circlular seated chairs to flow with the original concept of community or therapy circle, conference, workshop/class or audition. Because the rostrum are unmovable and cover what was the James Wallace Gallery windows facing onto Queen Street most people sit on those so the piece is set up with a more 'tv studio' talk show kind of feeling with some people participating and many watching.

It's a little like facebook in this sense, some active, some voyeurs but all participating and implicated.

I am interested in this divide, a new facet of the work's major relational art/ audience performer explorations.. something I have been working with for atleast 5 years.

I can feel anticipation. Mine, the audience's. I am preset writing on my beloved box “I am not alone” many times.

Final show in Tempo 2011, MJ O'Reilly's final Tempo.

Here's a review from fellow artist/friend Paul Young of this event..
http://www.theatreview.org.nz/reviews/review.php?id=4260

Memorable moments as the artist of this incredibly open and fluid work, generative performance:

Having had a bit of development sponsored by Sean Curham through Gundry st rehearsals- overall- me getting to really explore movement, to draw major attention to it this time. I fully expand my body and choreographic leanings toward Benoit Lacambre influenced (Impuls Tanz 09) internally motivated somatic exploration within my own physical frameworks and near 15 year developed movement style.. 'fluid, jaggard'.. 'articulate', 'isolated', 'sinewy'.. 'explosive;, whatever it is from the outside it feels good. Whatever section or conceptual framework the improvisation has – it is intuitive and generative. It explodes from the core. Whether I'm stripping for the 1st or 4th time, dancing in a black tutu dance party styles, or further perfecting the now institutionalised 'axe dance' or stuffing feathers in my hair to then pull of my best high kicks and pointed toes, I'm totally in it. What a luxury.

I remember in the Auckland Fringe – the first night performing it being the best experience I've ever had performing anything in my entire performance career, from which 4 top awards were born. It was mutual enamourment in which the audience and I made a love bomb. They were on top of me and because of being kept completely on toes in this first presentation within such relational aesthetics I was distracted somewhat from my own internal body and the lighting in Galatos and the revolting floor did not give the work the movement scope it really deserved to reach this time.

Apparently an older man is covering his face right from the outset as I strip, half repressed delight. Its a new intro, I enjoy giving my speech in german – hoping German's may be present which they aren't. I call myself a wanker for speaking another language and do my usual anti-capitalist 'speech'.

The first interaction- A young unitec male stands in the middle and I blind fold him. He's submissive. The lighters (sparklers banned incase smoke detector brings fire engines on the day of the show despite being oked months prior) are ok. They're more like peace out at the U2 concert than kiddywinks playing with light and sparkles in the dark, but its still a feeling and image of man and woman holding up flames in the dark.

When I join the circle and ask what people saw in this section I'm loving the responses. The most intriguing exeriences and projections of male and female dynamics come through always here. “you're inner most desires”, “putting a man and woman on stage is immediately loaded”, “you're sending each other signals but he's blind fold and you can't see or hear each other, you're in the forest, its mixed messages but you're sending signals”.

Both Shanelle's feather dance when asked to recall an object on the memory tray and tell a story about it, in which she takes the stage confidently complete with out popping boobs and I photograph her and Maria's quiet and earnest story about the tea cup reminding her of her grandmother are highlights. I give the mic to Carrie Rae and she critiques Maria's story. Its harsh, Maria has no mic and I suddenly do feel mean, even within my increasing role as german task master/control freak I so often experienced living in Berlin. Exploitative facilitator, auditioner.

I save her by saying that is infact my Nana's tea cup. The whole audience goes “awww”.

Its priceless.

Maria “doing something to me with an object” and “dance” morphed together is weird and cool. Sweet. She ties it to my apron strings. Nice.

I ask who thought that section was stupid> 2 men. Separated into different parts of the room, funny, clever and stupid, most people are up off the rostrum seating in the funny group. I am amazed. The 2 stupid men made to do a tableau of 'cleverness' for the clever group to judge was a winner. They unamonously do headstands. Are they a yoga team? Its thumbs up from the clever group.

Intriguingly its only ever 1 or 2 in the stupid group and they feel even more stupid singled out.

The provocative group struggling left over is always a beautiful tableau.

Begging for money is always a winner, using small boxes. I forget to smash the bigger box for whinging about my bread winning capacity and move to the next section. Its a glitch.

“But you want dance don't you, I have to dance, this is a dance festival right? In Europe just standing there being minimalist dancing on the inside of your brain is normal but Nzers need to see dance. I can dance.”

Axe Dance. I say “I got called Expressionist in Germany for this work, which I found quite ironic” illicits quite a big laugh. Germany being the origin of expressionism. I actually only just find the true irony of this IN THIS MOMENT. This is improvised text.

Its a work I made in Berlin and performed there a year ago.

Its intense. A candle, an axe, face covered, a cape, tutu, 'berlin' hoody – red pantys. Internal imagery for me of birth and death, birth self, shedding self, struggling in growing pains. Cape over face, tutu and undies pulled down, half out, half in... mid birth. Sexual, whatever you like. Traumatised, for sure. Fetishised, inviting objectification.

I run the axe over my naked body, I give birth to the axe. Some people see Little Red Riding Hood embodied. Total projections. But all relevant. German fairy tales.

The dance gets a very big clap at the end.

Then I smash the box. Its intense, less laughter than fringe. I accuse it of not supporting me and getting its own job, and the little ones. I ask "how are the boxes going"? in terms of money collection. Silence. I tell them Winz is on my arse (which is true) and that touring isn't cheap and I don't have funding and don't get my Tempo box office for a few weeks. They laugh. Is it empathetic laughter, the irony if of it all? I think so.

I sing a song – “you need a song too?” I can't really sing but I will sing, for you. I'm emotional german style electro, über cool and cold, I'm expressive expressionist. I'm a witch, I'm going to eat your children's children and put monkeys in your arsehole. I'm going to fuck you, all, I'm going to fuck you.. because I know hoooooooooow to looooooooooooove yooooou.

Always love getting people into groups to talk about saving the world while I prance around party styles with a glove safety pinned to my leggings and boob to Sam Hamilton's “olive eyes”.

Feedback, key words on my body. Whose gonna write it? The mic goes round, usual stuff. Friends, support, environment, save me, peace. Things like this are written on my body from each group by 2 women volunteers. An older woman in the audience walks out at this moment. Its usually a combo of earnest and people saying things like “I bought a cat from the SPCA”.

Then I get everyone to focusing on breathing, I invite someone to lie with me. A man or woman, whatever. Its Liz Kirk. I ask how she is. She says she doesn't want to talk, she only came to lie. I tell the audience “she is being controlling” which is further humiliating. Its ironic, naturally. It gets increasingly uncomfortable for her, she's totally unwilling to answer questions. I keep asking anyway. What is it you really want in your life? “That's heavy” she says. Then 'A holiday'. I translate for her with the mic. I say that I want everyone to be happy and also to be deeply truly in love.

Next section, still life portraits with objects to Daniel Satele's “Sensing Murder”. A very long, 'minimal', slow and emo section. This is possibly one of the most misunderstood sections. Playing with tableau's using objects already used and newly introduced, tea cup, trophy, sword, tvs, axe, red puppet to masturbate with, death puppet to pash, foucault's book of 'power is knowledge', german nazi family photos I bought in the Berlin markets- I do slow motion portraits or still lifes in which as a life model (My main job in Berlin)– I am playing the line between object/fetishism and objectification, exploiting my own emotional drama- deep experience of german history and trauma.. “sensing murder” I crawl across across the photos piled over my body slowly into someone's lap. I hug them, I cling to them. I don't know who it is. They hug me back. It's Anna Bate, choreographer I have just been dancing for! I don't know this until afterwards when told. There's a sense of being a beached whale crawling into someone's lap and I flap about like a stuck turtle into the next section.

Shaking section. Pain turns to shaking, to release. Half head bash, rock n roll styles, party, stumble, scream, lost run, horror film cliché, I explode about the space to Nathan Taare's track – Amon Tobinesque, garage. I add some screaming into the section which wasn't there before from my Rainbow Warrior piece because it seems appropriate for voice and movement to get together here unrepressed. Its the most fun section for me. Its hard work though, I love jumping around. I get tv number one, dance with it, shake. Then put it on the floor and try to shag it. Sitting on it and writing, I then get tv number 2. Same thing. I position myself between them and its a threesome. I lie on them and writhe. People are laughing. Its painful yes. They're awkward contact partners. I pretend to axe them, threatening to explode then stand on top of one. Its another fetishised image of woman embodying horror, cliche axe portrait of violence on the body via and now using as podium television.

Change to video projection. I say I'm showing full length pics, shout of if you see one good for my cv I'm still looking for a job. In Berlin you needed to send a full length photo even for a bakery job coz its important to look hot when making bread/pretzels in Germany for $6, ja more exploitation stores. I tell a story about Impuls tanz changing my life. Losing your story, then this surrender opening you up to life in all its colours. Its a cool story but I think most people can't hear it.

Final section I ask the audience to tell a story – their story, or one of exploitation, how to change that. Moppy's track he's just given me that day. Its too loud. The audience argues with each other. "It's too late to save the world" vs "I think its NEVER too late". I dance with feathers, an empty pack from which i have been producing all my costumes. I take it off, the pack, and yell 'you think this is easy?' i point my toes and do high kicks, 'this is easy' I put feathers awkwardly in my hair and keep dancing, with the sword, naked again, with the sword. Without the sword, naked. Gentle, the audience is finishing up. No I can't hear them.

The last person, Becca says “can you hear us Alexa?” - I say to myself yes of course I can, as I don't answer and leave them. Facilitator abandonment, leaving it open to self - responsibility.

Bow.

I get critiqued after for “not listening” for it being “all about you” which I find pretty interesting. Haven't seen as much audience involvement ever myself and we are not separate, I use myself to distract from them if its too much and hold the space regardless what I'm doing.

As long as the audience was listening to themselves and each other I am just holding the space. Interesting expectations, need for my approval and engagement. Its all distraction. No i didn't hear the guy say he wanted to kill himself before I took the mic. I had people writing on my naked body key words from the room.

Interesting questions, expectations and projections. Inviting people to self exploit by example and order and turning it/transforming it into expression, liberation, community awareness and self healing- I am encouraging others toward self-responsibility, including myself. I am a sacrifice for the healing of others, the hearing. The sharing and whatever they say and do is entirely their responsibility. :)

The Auckland Tempo 'vibe' in retrospect for this work is for me: Dance community friends and older intellectuals.

There is an expectation in the air, the vibe is 'entertainment'. The audience engages in a light hearted way on the whole, aside from 'its really important to be an artist', 'i think its never too late', and a random 'I want to kill myself' comment... they are the most critical audience so far it feels.

CHRISTCHURCH THE BODY FESTIVAL.

It's the Hagley Community College theatre. Earthquakes have destroyed most of the city's venues. The show is competing with Ann Dewey's well funded 'Shine Lady' show. The audience is very minimal, 30 or 40. They're ALL sitting on the stage in a circle.

WHAT AN AMAZING AUDIENCE.

Proving the power of intimacy and the work's leanings towards 'group therapy' or 'workshop' - it really feels like it.

This audience is attentive, engaged, polite, gentle. They laugh in the right places though and applaud my song "I'm gonna fuck you all and you're gonna like it and so am I" which really surprises me. They think its funny. Its a mix of older people and about 6 people I know, some young art people. No one from Christchurch dance apart from Julia Milsom (the reviewer) is at this show.

http://www.theatreview.org.nz/reviews/review.php?id=4276

Not once did this audience 'take the piss'. When given the microphone to speak about how to save the world or help others or themselves, or give comment on exploitation or share a story of it did one audience member make a joke in this show. This is Christchurch. They've lost their central city, many of their homes, they've had friends and family die in earthquakes and had their lives ruined. They have had no power and had use their back gardens for toilets, the concept of joking about these things to them seems immature and facile. I really appreciated this audience's engagement and insights, what they shared. I enjoyed their gentle enjoyment of my work and their kind expressions of their enjoyment after. They were earnest and without expectation, most of them. They took the work for what it was.

Highlights for me were - again being able to really perform and dance the movement well because of it being in a proper theatre with technician and lights. The gentle telling of stories about pens, about the trophy. First time ever someone has wanted to soley 'dance with me' as an option in the object section and a local performance artist Audrey - did. We did a dance in ode to the trophy. It was silly.

The whole audience freezing when I asked what they made of the lighter/sparkler section. This gave me the chance to deal with 'what to do' if no one interacted. Move to the next section! The divide between 'clever' and 'funny' groups (no one in this crowd thought the previous section was stupid) - really worked. The funny group- much larger as always really had to perform for the clever group who were appropriately small and critical. It set up a nice tension which was less heightened than Auckland audiences, where they felt more comfortable with the tension and played in a detached way.

Unanimous applause after my song 'witches really love you'.

People speaking through the microphone was a highlight as I've said. Its the longest an audience has ever taken to speak, I had to loop the track for both of these sections to give them longer.. where the role of 'group therapist' really played itself out. A small group of women wrote sweet things on my body as key words and were very sensitive about doing so. I told them "I'm listening" when I handed the mic over. This is a clip of the first of these sections:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150331144951927&saved#!/video/video.php?v=10150331144951927

Phillipa Cosgrove lying with me in the 'someone lie with me' section. She is a former Sean Curham dancer and now mum in Christchurch, having lived overseas for years. When asking her what she wanted to happen she said 'everyone to become enlightened'. I suggested on the count of 3 and counted. She sighed. I asked how we know when we are enlightened? She said - 'you must feel happy all the time'. I asked her if she was in love? She said 'in and out of love'. She told me what she likes about the show is its humour, that she likes humour and thinks we are all too serious.

I removed the slide show section for an experiment- having been critiqued in Auckland for this being extraneous.. and it was missed. Many of them said they found the show amazing and clever and fun and could have watched it for longer.

Then I get feedback that an artist said he found it amazing- manipulative and totally convincing. Yay, they get it.. this self expression/exploitation and encouragement to also do so.. to see how people respond. How complicit we become in such things, but also how it can be a fine line between liberation/expression and exploitation.

That was Christchurch!

DUNEDIN RICE AND BEANS GALLERY

Apart from being now totally in love with Dunedin for a number of reasons- this apart from Auckland first night of the Auckland Fringe - was the most intense and amazing performance so far.

They were wild. They were on top of me. They were like 'you can't fuck with us we've read too many books'. They laughed, they resisted, they threw my mic stand at me and wrestled me the floor and smashed the mic. They argued with me and questioned why they should interact, then they cried. They had a profound experience with me and with each other. They really got it on a conceptual level. They demonstrated it.

'This is a demonstration of Foucauldian resistance' I pointed out when someone refused to tell a story. Laughter. Then the whole room resisted, together.

They were rock and roll. The guy who broke my mic- a tech guy- then fixed it afterward and sweetly returned it to me. Apparently he never does aggressive things ever.

The woman who lay with me- Eddie- when i asked what she expected/wanted to happen now- said suddenly realising the implications of the question 'nothing, nothing, i'm not expecting anything' and when I asked if she wanted to ask me a question which I'd never done before she said 'why do you do this?' i said 'what am i doing'? and she said 'getting naked and doing all this stuff?' and i said 'because it creates real intimacy, authentic intimacy between audience and performer'... which I'd always wanted to say. When I asked her what she was expecting from the show she said she heard there was nudity (the audience/community all laughed) and that she would like it. I asked if her expectation was satiated and she said 'I think so'.

People were so moved and grateful and afterward so many people, including men who had cried as I screamed and pretended to have sex with a tv, said it was brave and honest and thanked me sincerely.

I got emails for weeks afterwards from affected people and was told the impact on the Dunedin arts community had been profound. My favourite sayings about it were 'beautiful trauma', 'blissful shock', '8 percent axe porn', 'like being hit in the head with a brick before falling into a coma'.

They were affected. So was I..

"Its really about power isn't it?" asked one woman after who had been heckling from the door. "Is it?" i said. She said she saw my Foucault power refs but also Freud and fetishism. "Yes"> i said. "Definitely fetishism"> She said "you had total control"> "DID I?" i said. LOL. Could've fooled me! I had always prepped for an audience to resist and heckle.. this was the one and it was amazing to perform, to get pushed further within my own limits. The german task master really discovered her full potential on this tour, more than the manipulating facilitator I felt. There are many many layers yes, I had to resist these guys resisting me! It was rock show. The tech Campbell Walker - local film maker coz this is Dunedin- fixed the mic cord during the show- as the audience had effectively disable communication between themselves and me and I'd yelled 'I'm now just gonna have to yell at you!" as my song was coming up- over the music!

It was special.

Dunedin crush.

South Island love. The air is real different down there at the bottom of the world, it was transformative.

Millionaire PM: A Political Performance/Art Series # 1

This is the first of a multiple disciplined series of 3 spanning the 3 months from the New Zealand hosted Rugby World Cup 2011 through til the NZ Elections 2011 at the trendy Golden Dawn Bar in Auckland.

Situated in a bar in Auckland's Ponsonby Rd, a fairly swanky upmarket area in which I grew up which has been vastly gentrified in the past 20 years eradicating its former bohemian and or multi-cultural milieu to be replaced by multi-coloured poodles and suits- this event series created by me is/was an attempt to creatively and politically intersect a mainstream hedonistic scene with cross-fertilised multiple art communities in a slightly guerilla style.

First time.

SUCCESS.

Tick.

Yes I'm used to facilitating such events, having done so with Late Night Choreographers many years ago and a number of smaller group shows which embody an underground community vibe of performance art and dance/theatre something splatterings of film and a little art. Why not some djs too?

Because community has been systematically destroyed by consumerism, capitalism and corporate greed and as we embody 'the society of spectacle' (Guy Debord) detaching from humanity these kinds of events become increasingly radicalised.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Society_of_the_Spectacle

So, this time the focus is POLITICAL.

Having just spent nearly 2 years living in Berlin recently (nearly 1 year back now) in which I watched a city in post-traumatic recovery from the fall of the Berlin wall 20 years ago preceded by a Stasi communist regime and master race ww2 puppeteering and now increasing gentrification in the form of hipster artist influx, hollywood celebrities buying up, capitalists in to exploit the former communists.. etc etc, eradication of turkish areas.. caused by.. i got thinking about NZ while I was away. Quite seriously.

Here's a video from the first event in Millionaire PM (named thus because Our current National Party PM is one of the 10 top earners in NZ - hence a Multi-Millionaire businessman) .. made by fellow NZ Berliner while I lived there now living in Sydney due to lack of jobs in NZ (we came back around the same time over a year ago) Mark Rickerby- aka Maetl... online writer, novelist, freestyle rapper.. which really sums up the conclusions I also came to about NZ and why it's so politically fucked up... while I was living in Berlin...

http://vimeo.com/29309489

Having run around like a chook with its head cut off for the entire day with at moments 5 people talking to me at once, leading up to the eve - nothing new for me - I am used to this kind of thing- underground dance at its finest.. having had the adminstrative help of 3rd dancer at Unitec Natalie Clark I was on my own to set up... we DID manage to pull this thing together with no money, 1 technician and the regular cliental showing up at 4pm to watch us stretch or install videos...

Breathing is my best friend.

With fine artists Addison Course, Francesca Gallo and James Wylie installing paintings related to politics (eco, emotion, politicians) on the bar walls -some great emails from politicians framed from James about what they see the role of the arts in nz being, spattered about also like menus on tables and video artists Brydee Rood and Karin Hofko showing up early to install work and videos.. some of which never happened, tv not turned on in shop next door, player not working.. and dancers/performers/djs/musos showing up in the change over between 'regular' Golden Dawn crowd and 'our tribe'.. I suddently felt the event shift from their space.. a bit of a scene, a bit corporate at times.. and thanks to Matthew Crawley and Kelly from the Golden Dawn who aided this event as I know they both enjoyed us changing the space.. and I WAS EXCITED.

Natalie Clark and I put on orange workmen's jackets provided by Mark Harvey from Auckland uni and I use caution tape to cordon off the outside space attaching it to cones...

I take up the microphone from its stand and Introduce MILLIONAIRE PM.

Intro from me.. 'so whose voting...?

Labour?

1 person, 1 person is voting labour. 2 people are voting labour.

Whose voting green?

ooh lots of people here proud to vote green.

Act?

What about... National? Don't be shy, there's no secrets here..

No one puts up their hands.

Curious. The tables where regulars sit become increasingly quiet.. realising what company is now in the space having introduced the show as 'MILLIONAIRE PRIME MINISTER'
and hearing 'I wish' from these tables.

What about Maori Party?

No its ponsonby.. not anymore. (I just think I don't say this)

So

let's get the show on the road..

It's hard to tell whose here for us and whose here for $10 Golden Dawn drinks..

I love it.

We hold up a screen like its a banner and project onto it a video of mine, naked banana eating, tampon popping, megaphone old video dancing in the back yard with projections of animals.. in a tiger suit, pig mask. I keep talking over the video. I tell the audience notice how the space divides once you get people to define themselves politically. To take a moment to 'notice', I use an ambiguous tone.

I invite anyone to come up and speak through the mic about anything political on their minds. I put the mic on the stand infront of my video and we wait. 5mins go by. No one speaks.

This is no surprise. I take the mic and once again draw attention to this. This is NZ. Shy.

When its over we remove the sheet and reveal 3rd unitec dancer and rapper Matthew Moore and his friends who acapella rap an awesome freestyle which cuts the space completely with sound so sharp. Voices so clear unaccompanied by music. If people didn't know what was happening, they do now...

They command the space, its electric.

We then, Natalie and I bring the sheet back and I ask stragglers to get out of the projection light.. please. We project up Mark Rickerby's video (above link) 'The End of the NZ dream'. Its 6mins, our arms get tired.. the 'screen' is wonky. This is all part of it, our 'accident'/'roadworks' construction site cordoned off with cones and tape is a 'work in progress', though this is a digital moment, our arms tiring as we hold the sheet up for a video is part of the show's overall concept. Watch us sweat. This is human-exploitation behind the machine.

I can feel again the space change, people reading and watching are very moved by Mark's video. Its beautiful, its apt.. it speaks to Nzers.

We have a voice. We have understanding.

Once again, a p.l.u.g. http://vimeo.com/29309489

The video thanks me at the end. Thanks are mutual Mark.

Then its Karin Hofko.. she's brilliant. German artist studying at Elam art school. She is a natural comedian. Dry. Low key entrance. She's wearing a poncho, black rider boots pants tucked into it, a beanie with NZ on it, she puts a top hat over the beanie to look 'classy' like this space. She improvises through the microphone, referencing my own attempt at audience interaction consciously failed- no one in this crowd, bar, country wants to come up and be part of our show. She is setting herself up to fail the same way. It is funny.

She presents about 4-5 'characters' with facebook profiles which the audience is invited to be for a weekend.. to sign up to be.. there, then. No one moves. We have a corporate business woman scorpio- favourite book 'the power of success' who doesn't like long hair on either men or women. We have various strange profiles.. are they real people? Has she made them up? Each is detailed.. hilarious. Finally someone comes up to sign up as a guy. One of the profiles to be is a tomato sauce bottle, another a 'troll' which she says is a friendly troll. I step in to 'take over' at this point to be 'a troll'.. by correcting her in a self-referential moment saying that trolls are the names for people online who try to take over and dominate a thread or online debate. I'm not sure if she's with me on that and maybe I'm being just being dick troll yep. Its borderline.

Yay, the power of success.

Lots of slippage.

Fun times.

A friend whispers to me 'Did you make the video (by Mark/maetl)? Its brilliant writing. Really succinct and accurate and clear'. Yes, I will tell him. He's not here. Thanks Anna.

Then we move spaces... to a cordoned off coned space in the corner.. to watch Briar March's film 'Michael and his Dragon' - about a post-traumatic stress Iraq vet.. a student film she made while studying in America, which won a student film award at a festival I attended in Berlin- at Potsdam. Its very earnest and moving. There are technical glitches.. The video is not screening. I let Dean Roberts the technician sort it out.. Its a bar, people are happy to drink and chat.. I am ready for this anarchy.. it works. I just explain who Briar March is to the audience while we wait and that she made a full length doco 'Once there was an Island' about a sinking island in the pacific which is the result of climate change. Anna corrects me that the ocean is rising not that the island is sinking. I relay this info. Thanks again Anna.

The video is much clearer on the white wall than expected, the film is powerful and short. Then to unitec 3rd year student Jessie McCall's dance about superficial NZ politics. I am warming up behind the cabaret stage about to perform so I miss it. Matthew Crawley tells me Dean needs me, something else is wrong. The internet is down. Jessie's John Key (PM) video is online due to her arriving quite late (students being overworked syndrome), we can't get internet, its out. I try several times.. no success. The performers ask for it in mid dance, we tell them its not happnening.. so we switch to the track, they keep performing. Lots of wooping and cheering, its fun and I presume people are enjoying it. I am backstage warming up.

Then Brydee Rood's video in her Trash dancer series of someone dancing with trash or trash bins.. from a recent residency in Berlin. Also inside the bar itself we have set up me doing the same thing- my style - dancing 3mins to dubstep in sleet/snow in Berlin when I was there with trash on my head, next to someone's rubbish bins- with taxis and kids watching me.. on loop. I'm more crump. Dave's style is butoh.. there are framing issues, Brydee is not happy. Everyone is happier with the loop of me in the bar.. I agree - glad time was taken to set this up.

Then Mike Holland and I- our sound starts.. we enter in t-shirts and shorts with towels slung over our shoulders.. through the cabaret curtains, space still caution taped.. and lay down our towels, one pink one blue onto the concrete. Its cheesy electro.. we are talking over the top on the sound recording, about money. A conversation about poverty, about ponzi schemes, about derivatives, about greed, about power and money and exploitation and banks, about our system failing its people, about the rich wanting to thin the herd, about them profiting from the misery of the poor who are ignorant, in debt. Swan lake music, its a man woman intimate duet, 2 tracks play through to completion over it. Then a track 'The captain' by The Knife, its a sad song to complete.

To begin we oil each other up with sesame oil, we rub it into each others legs, arms, then we do very precarious, dangerous contact improvisation.. on concrete, with oil on our skin. Its structured improv. People laugh, its intimate and intense, its sexual, its struggle, its tense, I am lifting him climbing right over my shoulders to birth between my legs. He's twice my size. I lie on him face down, its awkward, we are like creatures, yoga sex for two, its awkward as hell. Its dangerous as hell. I fall from his shoulders and he catches my oily leg and i dangle. He nearly sits on my head. We each take turns speaking through the mic about an injury we have and how to politically contextualise this. I talk of my hip, he oils my hip, under my shorts.. he talks about his sterum fracture, his heart. I oil under his shirt his heart beating fast.

We twist, and lift, and fall, and squirm around each other, finding ledges and spaces and momentum always connected, we touch and oil each others faces, pouring down the face kinda gross, just a little.. we rub our faces all over each other... like we're pashing or necking.. down onto our bodies... onto the ground. Squash. We pull each other up and down. I talk about the oil in my eyes, how I can barely see through a film of oil, how its sometimes impossible to see the things closest to us. I refuse to state the obvious. I'm squinting through oil, this is all improvised. Then we finally massage each others limbs and face and heads.. connected at the pelvis.. its intense and tense, solid and fluid, in the moment, we trust each other, and its funny. We struggle to find space between or around each other.. as we exit back the way we came. Its tender and loving, caring.. the conversation recorded attempts to find something positive to grasp onto. About community, about non-compliance with system. About looking about our and each other's bodies. Its ridiculous and its earnest. We leave. We come back and bow.

Then Gem Indigo starts to set up as the rappers freestyle again. This is my favourite moment, he is an eccentric older man with tattoos of flowers on his face, a massive sign with his name GEM INDIGO.. on it behind these young white rappers saying 'fuck National'... He introduces himself and does a spiel barely anyone can hear about how polluted the rivers are, how overpopulated we are etc and how his eco-friendly conscious punk is going to help raise the vibrations for us (Kelly from GD tells me this later as I can't hear any of this)> he then sets up 6 pedals and plays psychedelic guitar for 40mins until I ask him to stop. It makes some people leave and others laugh. He is brilliant. Moppy sets up, plays a kick arse electro set as always... people dance and rock out. There's some confusion over djs.

Finally djs Caroline Ward and Tobi play awesome dancehall tracks about poverty and money and I fucking love this shit. I have the best dance in ages with mates in a space that no one ever dances in on a thursday night especially. What a relief.

The night descends into the usual drinking partying hedonistic vibe as various people tell me how much they enjoyed the event, how rare and special such an event is. Deimos calls me a superhero. Lol. Do superheroes live on the dole? Thanks Deimos, that's real sweet you super man.

And indeed it is. In a climate of capitalism, in the arts, the business of the arts, encouraging people to continually sell themselves and their culture within a climate of hedonism and consumerism.. to charge $5 for artists from a variety of art forms.. having fun with political ideas.. getting very serious and so on... connecting artists from also round the world... over causes passionate to them, it feels like the power of success to me.

Even in its failures, in its pitfalls.. in the tech fuck ups, and hey yeah maybe I do need more support, like always..... where IS extra that support? Of course I forget things, like the line up on a menu board, introducing works or the artists in the rest of the space- whose work I hope people did look at.

The line up is bigger next time... will it go ahead? DO I have the energy for it? Will I have more help?

BUT

Just doing it.. just making it happen. People feel connected, it subverts this mainstream space. The people chatting and ooing during mike and my performance, made to think by Mark's video.. may go home and wonder, what was that about? Why was I asked about my voting options? It may make a difference, it may not... its an experiment. Matthew Crawley is happy, Kelly is moved by Mike and I. People love Karin, the videos.. the rappers.

But its also my old hood...and I enjoy bringing back old school community artsy ponsonby vibes..

Just for its own sake. If nothing else ; apparently there is also a NZ political posters exhibition around the corner at Artstation (old Outreach where I learned how to draw/paint as a kid), there are protests happening down Queen st on the night of All blacks vs France... not everyone cares about Rugby. I think to mention rugby at the start, but I don't. I save it. All that exists in ode is 2 NZ flags flanking our cabaret stage.. left over from a work I made on mixed Ability company Touch Compass which are spray painted on 'Injury to one is injury to all'.

Thanks for all those who came .. the audience once again makes up the community, I am interested in cross-fertilising communities, the leaking into mainstream, relational art etc.. and them chipping in makes it all the more rich and fertile, funny and fun. The politics of fun times.

And yes I've applied for Creative Communities funding for the pre-elections nove Mill PM. And I'd like to do a very special shout out to Sean Curham who has pretty much at times single handedly been my support, sponsoring me at this time with free rehearsal space knowing I have no money, helping keep my practice alive when there is no other support there because what I do is largely 'too radical' for the conservative arts administration of NZ, and yet we shall see. Sean is a community superhero.

I say to Georgie I'm dancing with the next day as part of Anna Bate's brilliant show- 'I don't know why I've been in major poverty for the past 2 years from Berlin'.. perhaps to open my eyes really bout this world to channel some stuff..? 'and why why why.. do i keep getting directed back to NZ?' She says to me 'Lol, Auckland needs you Alexa.' And yes Europe has its own probs.

Thanks Sweetheart.

My mate Kelly says the show is "PUNK"> fuck yeah. In the best way baby. Dean Roberts the technician says that only a handful of people really 'get' what I'm doing, that it needs to be intellectualised as cleverly fun and subversive and reminds him of events he was part of in Europe, not NZ.

Thanks Community.

Even though I've had some bad experiences with community in the last decade and felt exploited by it in moments, there is nothing like rising above, believing in and keeping empowered. Tall poppy syndrome doesn't wash, there IS a thriving body of open minded people in NZ and in NZ dance.

We are not separate.

Peace community.

Manifesto

This blog was created as a form of freedom of expression and thought in response to the current New Zealand (Aotearoa) reviewing climate. I've been creating choreography influenced by performance art and hybrid/interdisciplinary work/thought/experience which often weds political with somatic, high with popular, layering ideas and art forms in supposedly 'anarchistic' and 'radical' ways for over 10 years in NZ and lived in Berlin for nearly 2 years til 2010. I also make video work and write: also hybrid thought waves and forms which tend to go beyond institutions and reach to community, to individual performance selves, to teaching, to international research and engagement from a NZ perspective. I'm interested in experimentation in all art forms, this writing outlet enables to me to engage dynamically online in my own way which reaches beyond the confines of community and reach the murky stars of anarchistic dialogue with international performance thought and practice- so as not to get trapped in, whilst still being informed by, a small isolated country like NZ. Viva la Revolution, Ich liebe Freiheit, Aroha Aotearoa.

"Rainbow Warrior": Love Me: Live Series Final: Notes: 2011

LOVE ME

So and so everyone. An utterance, a gesture, She's taken the mic having crawled to it, having fallen through perspex, she's body painted with a bright 70s looking rainbow, her face is half painted black like a warrior. Rainbow Warrior. Half face painted black the reference is open. She's rotated to each side of the room like a ballet figurine in a jewelery box behind perspex held up by 2 friends acting as body guards, completing a slowed down tai chi routine to each wall- side of the box- like a preserved colonised-colonising, hyper-sexualised relic behind a museum case- while 2 other friends in wetsuits toss objects at the perspex, a helmet, bandages, plastic, jeans, a book on dreams, another on Being Pakeha, nothing is extraneous. Wetsuits? Why?

Rainbow Warrior.

A NZ- Greenpeace boat bombed by French Spies in the mid 1980s during anti-nuclear testing protest in which someone was killed.

History.

Love Me.

I remember the Rainbow Warrior moored half sunken for years as a child beside the draw bridge down by the Central Auckland viaduct harbour now where multi-million dollar apartments and a boat city reside, as my mother drove me to swimming lessons at the Tepid Baths. I couldn't work out as a 10 year old why my parents' friend, my best ballet friend's father, was the lawyer for the 2 French spies- often referred to in NZ as terrorists at that time. Why is he defending them? I would ask. 'Someone has to' was the reply. 'He is the top of the top and they don't stand a chance'. And NZ is still ostracised by particularly the U.S.A for its anti-nuclear stance but as a child I am proud.

Love Me.

So they climbed in wetsuits beneath the boat and planted a bomb. And their punishment was ? Exiled on an island. No prison.

WE are already exiled on an island.

Pacific Island.

And so there she is, naked rainbow warrior- dance terrorist.. the bodypaint only covers the front so when the backside is revealed she is white, red hair.. like so many classical paintings- the nude. Then they climb through and they massage her body, the 2 friends in wetsuits, they feed her banana (evolution ref yep) and put on red lacey underpants and dress her in a silver skirt and gold sequined top bought from the Turkish markets for cheap in Berlin last year for a night out clubbing and finally a kahki green military shoulder pack- as she completes the tai chi configuration to the sound of aeroplanes lifting and landing and sci-fi screetches blurbling... she is unscathed and the eye of the storm. Pedastal, ambiguous, protected? Preserved? Pampered? Revered- hated? Is this seriouso or do I laugh- its ridiculous right? There's spaghetti stuck to the bottom of my feet from a piece earlier in the show.

Rainbow Warrior. I have a vivid memory of how sad it was to see the peace boat half sunken – green boat- with white dove holding an olive branch in its beak on the stern. Little rainbow too.

I and she falls on her face through the barrier, the small piece of perspex left after it has accidentally snapped on opening night without one performer flinching.. flicking inches from her face. What's up with the sad vibe? Why are people so serious about nudity? I have a rainbow painted on me!

Snap. She asks for the red light to be put on by the lighting technician and points to it at the back, and for the music to be turned up as well as the mic. She has total control and has broken an illusion of a performance. Or has she? Not one person really knows whether this is part of the performance or an accident, not even the technician. For her its a double up....

So everyone............. she says.

Garble garble garble. Words nothing nothing, something blah blah... through the mic. Looking into eyes who say to her.. 'um'. The eyes read to her like 'are you taking the piss out of us?' or 'its a bit scary for this just naked woman to be even staring into our eyes and talking non-sensically through a mic, so what are you up to exactly?'... This is most fun right here this moment.

Then mic down dubstep really loud... I she the beast does a backwards roll into screaming and dancing. Urban nightmare, dubstep primal ryhthm dark grounding and powerful- club night out? Yep I dance like this out too- and people also freak -minus the screaming. Give me space people.

Now in the studio- this section was always transformative for me because the moment you start moving your precious body around and dancing and also sounding – however you want to – improv styles.. dancing to rhythmic music and voicing gutterally a range of sounds which come out of months of explorations – 'what is this thing?' basically finding and moving through a variety of emotional states and images through history of humanity sometimes accompanied with movements to match or not- you actually transform your state into a trance. Its impossible not to... and woah- where did hours go and what IS THIS? Still.

How it reads is actually pretty insignificant really. This was always going to be the case because in every rehearsal what comes out is unique to that moment which is nothing new but what it even is is always a big question mark.

Is it even cathartic? Not really, given that much of my work has often been labelled 'cathartic' or 'expressive', 'aggressive', 'radical', 'anarchist', 'messy', 'chaotic', 'dense', 'loud', 'expressionist' etc you get the point..

Maybe to some, especially in NZ and also in Germany where I was recently living- Berlin- which is in the grips of minimalist control 'quiet' – 'i'm dancing on the inside (of my brain)' sort of vibe.. both of which are countries with an incredible amount of repression and cultural tension- culturally socially, sexually... passive aggressive cultures with layers of guilt- colonisation in NZ, obvious fascism in Germany... and so this kind of exploration just freaks some people right out.

This to me is funny. Perhaps I am sadistic? Yeah yeah playful trickster, also nothing new. Shaman. Blah blah.. whatevs. How many times can someone call me a witch or a dangerous woman?

It was never my intention to look traumatised or to be cathartic but to simply explore voice, sound as an extention of body expression and I guess I just have a great deal of energy trapped inside that wants to come out. :D As Chris Jannides says in one of my support letters I have my own kind of 'virtuosity' going on.

Naturally come performance more subtle explorations in the studio exploded out and uped the anti.. to something more grotesque and extreme. Perhaps it was always extreme... only I was there in the studio to know.. to feel what those layers shed were to get to the public arena with it.

Yes the point is that Love is inexpressible in words and it has all the shades of the rainbow and more. It is not easy or simple, it is dense and complex and it can be ugly and painful as well as light and fun and sexy and fun and gorgeous and absolutely uncontrollable.. Love is wild. It is gentle inside the play. Who dares come near it? What do we even know of it really? Power and vulnerability exposed, nothing left to hide. Shattering even in the grace. Most powerful moment. And some people can't stand this I know. That's totally fine and I include that. I acknowledge that.

When you really push an art form you lose people and you really gain people. Its a balance. Some people get heaps of pingers I get to experiment.

Yep yep yep... I had to use words to explain myself here which is the opposite of the point. But hey. Its just more explorations.. right? Can I 'get it right'?

I've been asked to produce a short work (15mins- though i snuck up to 16 of course being maximalist) for a Live Series for a sponsored 'Producing project' for new and emerging producers to explore ways to produce... and so as a 10 year experienced experimental choreographer (self producer) returned to NZ from Berlin not so long ago – whose work (despite winning multiple awards etc) tends to fall out of the safe zone for arts administration to fund on the whole- had an idea and wanted to make it without producing it myself. Here I am in the Love Me show for the Live Series- the final after Taste me and Hear Me. Keeping up the practice and deepening investigations, still part of community upcoming. A strategic move for my career? Lol. Lol. You decide.

I don't know what other people's experiences or understandings of Love ARE- but mine is not relegated to romantic or sexual love. This work is about humanity for me, its about consicousness and its about awareness, its about where the fuck are we going humans? What have we come from? Do we even know what love is or how to handle it? Naturally I am generalising humanity which is instantly flawed and ridiculous but actually I am interested in speaking across bridges. Naturally. Attempts, offerings actually. Call it naïve or bold. Arrogant.. you name it. Sweet bix.

Struggle and freedom and privilege and change and gratitude. Go hand in hand.

Compassion. The buddhists say this is the highest form of love.

'Love Me' -although I am a fucking messy crazed, power mongering, foolish, suicidal, terrifying, wimpering, controlling, ridiculous, FRIGGIN HILARIOUS (like who are we fooling here?) actually pretty loveable and entertaining being.. inherently capable of power without power over.

Powerfool>Powerfull.

If you can't love without taking all into account, your love is shallow. Says she. Its not love ownership.

I am crossing the divide- I am wanting a genuine exchange here.. which is uncomfortable- between audience and performer. I am not dictating what you should feel or think. This is up for discussion.

Ok- so I pretend to have sex and I stumble around looking fully traumatised (which i guess i largely am in this oversaturated pretty insensitive and competitive world when I tend to give a lot and earn very little money which this world says is a priority while selling shallow and fabricated notions of what love is to us as consumers) and i pretend to give birth out of having sex.. my function as a woman, warrior and everyone is laughing at me. The trauma is obviously funny. Its 'over the top'. But is it really?

How inaccurate is it for daily living in even the most boring places on this planet? HOW ARE YOU FEELING AT THIS POINT IN HISTORY? Fear is sold to us and we pay for it. Drama is our programming and our entertainment.

Doesn't everyone want to scream and laugh and woop and shout and roll around like a freak, and bark and fold in uncanny ways and shake and cry, and vomit and wretch and curl and twirl and laugh again... and celebrate being alive? With humour and no shame. Without holding back and being small as not to upset others or some prescribed psychic social power balance?
Blah, she says with respect and love. This is Freud's unconscious naturally, being what we 'repress' and unconsciously 'desire' to be functional in the adult symbolic world. ETC.

And people say afterwards that they feel the whole space transform when the voice starts up. It cuts through the imaginary space... the 4th wall... dancers- 'don't yell'! They don't generally even speak. Nice objectified fetish bodies for eyes to enjoy.

But hey the voice is part of the body, the body is part of the mind, the body is heart and soul and thoughts and feelings and the barrier and interface between inside and outside... communication.

The work is about communication. Lacan. Mr Frenchy psychoanalysis pants. She pants. Give me a french kiss.

Its the pre-symbolic stage.

Kiss.

I hate psychoanalysis. Its fully sexist. And so useful. Thanks Lacan. Mark says afterwards in the panel discussion that Lacan says that we can never really love that we only project our desire onto the other. Interesting. Very unholistic academic theory but yep that's in there too coz this is the way the western world largely is indoctrinated to think. And I'm no saint or preacher, I just as an artist am making art and being human.

So yay, writhing around radical feminist again- crazy friggin incarnated nutface goddess from wherever- paganistic ritualistic release in your face. 2011 galatos love me. Live Series. Auckland. Last 2 days of August. Rugby world cup just round the corner.

Yup. 'Going off'.

'Whose with me?'

Inexpressible... I jump on the stage in red lighting – maybe gonna do something different? Nup- same shiz.... she's now framed on the stage gutteral and kinda mocking dance and our control of the body and women and all that... our voice- can't be heard, language is more of a barrier than perspex – the false divide- to being understood and loved... can love/ in all its shades- transcend words?

Can it Lacan?

Am I sexy? Am I desirable?

Irigaray would say yes. Our lips speak as one. Vaginal references here. French feminist philosophy.

I search the audience, they look a bit more invigorated than last time i looked at them. Curious. They I. Entertained rather than traumatised by hurling objects that could bounce off perspex and hit them.

I choose the right guy, someone I know will be up for it. An actor friend or dancer, its Edward... then next night Mike, someone I collaborate with.. can work with. I had planned people I might choose. Yes its a MAN. It HAS TO BE. (I'm NOT a lesbian right?)

I sit in his lap... he's sweet with it. Looks slightly startled – both of them say both nights 'how are you going?'... I say ' oh fine'. Reminds me of when I'm living in Berlin and with pleasantries like 'how are you?' they all say bemusedly 'I'm fine'. Like who cares? Its so English.

:D

No one can hear, its just between me and them and the one next to them.. both nights a woman. 'You up for some yelling?' I say.. having tested this out – in rehearsal... I'd done some more gibberish at them and it hadn't worked to get them up.. but still interested in – what is communicating- can body language alone work?

No. Not in this case. Failed first night, cool. He says after wards that he was 'star struck' by me.. he can't get up and just stares at me. Cute! He didn't come up til i handed him the mic to burble in and people clapped.

Second night I grabbed Mike's hand and dragged him onto the stage and started yelling so he followed suit... he screams through them mic and pulls up my skirt and yells through the mic 'damn you!' More cheering from the crowd, esp the break dancer boy crew sitting up the 'front' (there's no front in this dance I face the back a lot) who at first were shaking their heads at him laughing at me naked apparently- like 'don't laugh at the naked woman'.

LOL>

Anyway moving on. Token audience participation moment after having already done a full solo work exploring audience interaction earlier in the year. I grab the mic back ask for someone to sing me a song and then just sing one myself out of time over dubstep. Leonard Cohen “I'm your man”. I yell 'where's my fucking man?' afterwards.. (Gotta be my own man yep- though once again could have lesbian interpretation- along with the rainbow pride on my body)

I turn away and sing 'Ain't no sunshine'... which trails into (and i turnaround) 'Turnaround... every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round... '..

So now those who really didn't know what I was up to who sat with their arms folded and asking each other if this was still the same piece ('the lights go out when its over' said one)– finally can relax into laughter because- ok she's joking. We get it now..

But am I?

Sitting hunched on the floor I whisper 'And i need you now to tonight, and I need you more than ever. If you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever ..' (yep I'm single)

The track cuts out

'And we'll only be making it right'... audience laughter. Is it funny? Like a clown, I feel real serious.

I stand and smile. The music shifts to soft loving new age filmic sounding music... stolen.

'Now I'd like to invite my friends to translate for me into Japanese and German.' I say.. and arms up presenting 'Georgie and Karin'... So enter 2 of my gorgeous and ridiculously dressed (80s) friends who take the mic and huddle to translate what I am saying. I walk to and crawl up onto the stage under a spot light.

Very earnest moment. But also not something ever done in NZ culture except perhaps on a marae or in a therapy group because we do not like to express emotions publicly unless through movies.

I explain a list of how 'I feel'.. translated into japanese and german ... over music.

I feel

My body
Is all I have
I feel
Expectations &
Eyes looking at me
I can feel
My brain in my skull
I can feel the words vibrating in my throat as they come out (i touch my body in these places)
I can feel my heart beating behind my boob (no laughter damn, failed joke- or did they not hear me?)
I can feel the light blasting down on me, the darkness.. (gesturing with hands)

I climb off the stage and walk forward

I feel
Hungry (giggles)
I feel like chicken tonight (laughter always- ref to KFC ad)
The roof protecting us from the weather (they think I'm serious at this point.. maybe)
I feel understanding (eyeballing and gesturing one side of the room- very serious)
and misunderstanding (same- other side- super serious)
I feel Connection
and I feel
Disconnection (are they taking it personally?)
I feel
The love (is she sarcastic?)
I feel
Fear
and I can feel sadness..

I turn to face the back and scream 'I can feel the laughter!' and turn to smile at the audience a big cheesy grin. Usually laughter.
Repeat scream- 'I can feel the earth MOVE!' gesturing earthquake slightly. Laughter.

I can feel the change!

I climb back onto the stage.

I can feel (turn so people can hear) the suspension!

I pause one arm forward one arm behind like suspended in a desert storm holding it for as long as i feel a NZ audience will wait. In Berlin minimalism is commonplace so a whole dance of this would be fine, but 10secs is too long here good– so I then turn very slowly (oh and there's laughter- they get 'suspension'... followed by a stillness too long not facing them). Suspense. Second night I hold it way too long.

I want the piece to hit them in this moment, to 'sink in'.. manipulating the power of chaos – followed by silence. Slowly turning energy transferred from one hand to the other to pause exactly the same but facing them. I then slowly wave 'ciao'- which means hallo and goodbye in Italian (explained by an Italian friend in Berlin that it originated from the slaves- who were always at service so never really saying goodbye)... also bit like HALLO... and bye.. and composing and surfiing...feeling the earth 'move' and 'wtf?' is she doing again.... suspension... gestures irrelevant really... slow.. anyway. What is the body language as awkward as verbal language? Back to controlled and slowed- is she joking or serious? Backing out into the darkness... The translators who have at moments moved closer to hear.. both watching. .. I pull my hand – also a gesture referencing the end of the tai chi routine – hand up like HI.. BYE... i walk down the stairs at the back of the stage into the dark. Transcendence/descendence. I've done enough.

Sinking... Disappearing.

Translators are left on the stage staring at an empty stage.

Finale. Applause. Reappear for group bow. End of show.

And what's all that about?

Who can say.

How many languages does it take to be heard? If heard are you understood even? Just because you intend something- the interpreter can take it another way.

Why translate into the languages of the 2 WW2 aggressors through my amazing artist friends, both also very strong gorgeous females?

All a conicidence perhaps?

Why not into FRENCH?

France and England fought to colonise NZ- aside from French spies.

English.

'Universal language'... so I was told living Europe. Transcending difference. So I'm told.

:)

Where do I come from? Who am I and where am I going?

White girl born in Aotearoa.. I belong here. Mostly Irish in blood – English colonised me too. That's why we moved here.

I make ART. Real art which discomforts and uproots and questions and teases, and at moments pleases, just enough. 'Honesty in NZ is a no no' says a journalist in an interview.

It creates SPACE. I am not pandering and told I 'don't compromise' as if this is a prerequisite for being an artist in today's world and current funding system. That I 'don't play the game'. I do. I play the art game.

I am told there is space inside this work and yet is it very dense with possibility.

Afterward it seems to appeal to academics and general public alike and no one can articulate why.

Brilliant.

The panel fumbles to speak of it. How do we utter about something inexpressible in words? Something addressing this fact in Love.

What is real love? In our disconnection and misunderstanding we draw closer to what is slipping. We are drawn to know it, to find it. To sometime to control it? We cannot bind it or know it. We can never know ourselves says Lacan, Unless Enlightened says Buddha.

We are speechless and blind to love. We let it sit wrecked as a reminder on the harbour by a draw bridge for children to see... the passion of heart for the love of it. Our ocean. Our world, our people. We defend what? We devolve and when we evolve we are told we are mad and the growing pains- meet resistance. When we try to cross the bridge. To speak hurts unspeakable.. to heal past wrongs. In cultures, to empower ourselves to be truthful even if this gets us nowhere. It evolves our souls and affects those who cross our path.

The unutterable slips through and we feel moved and we don't know why. The intention is heart.

Wake up. Rise up. From the deep.

Hallo. Goodbye. Hallo. We are slaves. To a love we cannot handle.

The birthday suit is still a shockwave. The heart of our longing. Unearths and as much as we attempt to speak of it, address it .. it folds away and hides inside the next movement and sheds and births into something new. And when we face it and are there for it... like the Rainbow Warrior – defending the very basics of it.... an elephant in the room like the panel unable to speak directly about the work afterward in an open discussion..

we bomb it and we criticise and wreck and sink it. We sing heartbroken songs in ode to our own loss of it...

We project ourselves onto the openness of it.. the liberation, the ambiguity...

Are we still loveable?

Yes.

That is compassion. It has a great sense of humour, its not all so very serious really... let's move past all that!

Come passion.

Express and search yourself.... deep in the ocean of evolution.

Love me/you.

Rainbow Warrior. Arising in the collective consciousness... let it go. Honour it.

Humanity on the brink of truly embracing itself in its entirety, no more hiding or denial or power trips.

Peace and freedom fighter.

It is a dance which is a speech.

And even in me uttering these lines, it is more.. because it is a feeling only those rooms of people can share and know. The culture of that room on those eves, what is 'mind blowing' to a friend's sociologist friend? I can never know. I don't know what he experienced... but thankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!

They felt what I felt and I will never know what that is.

I can only feel what I feel. But I feel.

I can see reflections of myself all around, in the perspex, in mammoth shadows of my naked body on the wall, in video projections of the live feed through the perspex into the top corner of the room. IN the eyes of the audience member i randomly see. They see themselves in me?

Someone afterwards says its funny, they laughed all the way through, someone else says so heartfelt and beautiful, its more simple, no its very dense, no one got it? describing words. Someone cried. I see shock in their eyes. I am a 'dakini'- female buddhas wild and fiery. I am deconstructing language and communication. Its brilliant.

What am I doing? Loving myself through experimentation and searching ...

A priceless investigation.

I feel exhausted like dying for a week. I don't even know what it is this thing... that's the beauty.

How many people can say they blew someone's mind?

Adrenalin slave.

The slave is the master.

No roles are fixed in this shifting world.... get used to it humans. Bananas.

'I can feel the change'. However few are there, its into the ether.

The solo is never alone. It has friends and support and is not a solo. We deserve love and support and all is exchange.

All is an artifice and yet has some luscious unfathomable truth lurking.

Vulnerability is power and growth and potential.

It keeps you in the moment, no artificial barriers to hide behind. Move me. Arising and sinking and so on....

I'm moving out............. from inside.

I Share.

I dare.

To move further...... toward and away. Ciao.

Photos of W.O.R.K frm a HE.ART> it came to HERarTalk

Relational Art
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Relational Art (or relationalism[1]) is defined by Nicolas Bourriaud, co-founder and former co-director of Paris art gallery Palais de Tokyo as "a set of artistic practices which take as their theoretical and practical point of departure the whole of human relations and their social context, rather than an independent and private space."[2] Artworks are judged based upon the inter-human relations which they represent, produce or prompt.[3]
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[edit] Origin of the term

One of the first attempts to analyze and categorize art from the 1990s[4], the idea of Relational Art[5] was developed by Nicolas Bourriaud in 1998 in his book Esthétique relationnelle (Relational Aesthetics).[6] The term was first used in 1996, in the catalogue for the exhibition Traffic, curated by Bourriaud at CAPC musée d'Art contemporain de Bordeaux.[7] Traffic included artists that Bourriaud would continue to mention throughout the 1990s, such as Liam Gillick, Rirkrit Tiravanija, Philippe Parreno, Pierre Huyghe, Carsten Höller, Christine Hill, Vanessa Beecroft, Maurizio Cattelan and Jorge Pardo.[8]

[edit] Relational Aesthetics

Bourriaud wishes to approach art in a way that ceases "to take shelter behind Sixties art history" [9], and instead seeks to offer different criteria by which to analyse the often opaque and open-ended works of art of the 1990s. To achieve this, Bourriaud imports the language of the 1990s internet boom, using terminology such as user-friendliness, interactivity and DIY (do-it-yourself).[10] In his 2002 book Postproduction: Culture as Screenplay: How Art Reprograms the World, Bourriaud describes Relational Aesthetics as a book addressing works that take as their point of departure the changing mental space opened by the internet.[11]

[edit] Relational Art

Bourriaud explores this notion of relational aesthetics through examples of what he calls Relational Art. According to Bourriaud, Relational Art encompasses "a set of artistic practices which take as their theoretical and practical point of departure the whole of human relations and their social context, rather than an independent and private space." [12]

The artwork creates a social environment in which people come together to participate in a shared activity. Bourriaud claims "the role of artworks is no longer to form imaginary and utopian realities, but to actually be ways of living and models of action within the existing real, whatever scale chosen by the artist." [13]

In Relational Art, the audience is envisaged as a community. Rather than the artwork being an encounter between a viewer and an object, relational art produces intersubjective encounters. Through these encounters, meaning is elaborated collectively, rather than in the space of individual consumption [14].

Artists included by Bourriaud under the rubric of Relational Aesthetics include: Rirkrit Tiravanija, Philippe Parreno, Carsten Höller, Henry Bond, Douglas Gordon and Pierre Huyghe.[15]

[edit] Critical reception